I took the day off today to take Trenton to Children's for lab work and see the doctor. His last count was 81,000 so I had dreams of him hitting 100,000. I had a plan if he did. I was going to surprise people with the number. Go to Papa's office and put a sticky note on Pastor Sam's door next to all the other notes. Then we'd go surprise daddy at work. Post it all over the internet, send texts.
Yea, that didn't happen. The doctor came in and told us that he dropped down to 34,000. He was so sweet and just kept saying how sorry he was. He still is holding on to the hope that Trenton will get better on his own, and does not want to do any treatments right now. He said if he dips to 10,000 we'll have that conversation. He knows how hard this is, and says this is the crappy part of this disease, that it's so up and down. He also said he was so hoping to see him hit 100.
I left the office feeling pretty defeated. I tried to prepare myself a little bit, because we saw signs of it dipping. But I secretly thought that if I'm prepared to hear a low number, I'll be that much more surprised when it's super high! It's weird how our minds work.
But, we still had all day to hang out, so we took advantage of the awesome weather. We went to the zoo for a little while, then went downtown to have lunch with Tyler. When we got back home, we both took naps, then we went for a long walk with the dog. Followed by leaf raking and chalk drawing. Could have been a really awesome day if the number 34 didn't keep coming into my head.
I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself, or for our family. There are so many worse things that could happen, and we are certainly reminded of that when we are at Children's and see all the other kids going through chemo. And I was reading this other family's blog about their little girl losing her battle with cancer. I still have my son, he's thriving, he doesn't know he's sick. I'm just so sick of it! I just keep praying for the day I can surprise everyone with the news. I'll keep planning.
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Hi Mary Jo and Tyler
ReplyDeleteTHANKS so much for keeping this blog up now and then. Mert and I really do appreciate it. We realize the disappointment in the new numbers recently reported, can't blame you one bit! But Mary Jo and Tyler, your son Trenton's beautiful smile and bright eyes just light us all up! Mary Jo, you have shared your up and down feelings and that is just great because all of this is most real to you as his parents! What God reveals to us in our weaker fearful moments, He sometimes points us to other people's struggles and hurts that seem worse then ours, we realize just how thankful we are! We are so blessed to continue to keep you in our prayers!
Veralyn and Mert