Nearly perfect

I took the day off today to take Trenton to Children's for lab work and see the doctor. His last count was 81,000 so I had dreams of him hitting 100,000. I had a plan if he did. I was going to surprise people with the number. Go to Papa's office and put a sticky note on Pastor Sam's door next to all the other notes. Then we'd go surprise daddy at work. Post it all over the internet, send texts.

Yea, that didn't happen. The doctor came in and told us that he dropped down to 34,000. He was so sweet and just kept saying how sorry he was. He still is holding on to the hope that Trenton will get better on his own, and does not want to do any treatments right now. He said if he dips to 10,000 we'll have that conversation. He knows how hard this is, and says this is the crappy part of this disease, that it's so up and down. He also said he was so hoping to see him hit 100.

I left the office feeling pretty defeated. I tried to prepare myself a little bit, because we saw signs of it dipping. But I secretly thought that if I'm prepared to hear a low number, I'll be that much more surprised when it's super high! It's weird how our minds work.

But, we still had all day to hang out, so we took advantage of the awesome weather. We went to the zoo for a little while, then went downtown to have lunch with Tyler. When we got back home, we both took naps, then we went for a long walk with the dog. Followed by leaf raking and chalk drawing. Could have been a really awesome day if the number 34 didn't keep coming into my head.

I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself, or for our family. There are so many worse things that could happen, and we are certainly reminded of that when we are at Children's and see all the other kids going through chemo. And I was reading this other family's blog about their little girl losing her battle with cancer. I still have my son, he's thriving, he doesn't know he's sick. I'm just so sick of it! I just keep praying for the day I can surprise everyone with the news. I'll keep planning.

All things potty

Lately I feel like my life is revolving around the toilet. No, I'm not sick, we are in the throws of potty training. But I'm really not complaining because it's been a while since I've had to change a dirty diaper. I know everyone says this is so hard. I think we lucked out! About a week or so ago, this little toilet shaped light bulb must have gone off in Trenton's head because he decided he wants to go on the potty all the time. He has been going a little bit for a few weeks, but would never tell me BEFORE he had to go. But he's done so well! And he loves picking out his underwear every morning. We just got him a bunch of new ones with Disney characters. Last night he actually woke up yelling "Goofy!" I hope it was a good dream and Goofy wasn't picking on him or something!

Anyway, sorry for the potty talk. But that's been our life. Trenton continues to do well. I have noticed a few more bruises and things, but sometimes I think I'm just psyching myself out. We get him checked on Friday, so I'm really anxious to see the results. Last time they went this high, we were crushed by a huge drop. So I'll be very happy if it's anything higher than 81,000.

I just can't wait until I don't have this lingering fear following me all the time. When I don't worry about every bump and bruise, or have to inspect every owie thinking it could turn into something worse. Or does every parent do that?

So stay tuned on Friday, I try to post the results as soon as I can. I am taking Friday off though to take Trenton to the clinic. Then I think we'll goof off a bit. Hopefully with a celebratory lunch!